The holiday season is here again. How did this year fly by so quickly? Personally, I’ve decided they go by faster every year.

At our house, we have a tradition we’ve enjoyed for many years. We call it Family Shopping Day. For as long as I can remember, we’ve taken our children out for a marathon day of shopping for each other and the sheer joy of just being together. We usually pair off with each of the children, helping and directing them as they spend their hard-earned money on those they love and appreciate.

Our shopping days of years gone by have consisted of the five of us getting up early, going to a favorite mall, breaking up into groups of two and three, and communicating on our whereabouts with our walkie talkies. Since we homeschool, we would always pick a day during the week before kids got out of the school system on Christmas break. I mean, I’m okay with crowds, but I’m not into mobs!

As our family has grown from three children to five, and the oldest three now being married with children, we’ve changed the way Family Shopping Day looks. It no longer involves all the family members going shopping at the same time. Instead, we now have what we fondly refer to as Girls’ Shopping Day. This consists of the girls taking off for the day, going somewhere we all agree upon, and shopping ’till we drop. Our family group now consists of my mom, my married daughter, my daughter-in-law, my daughter-in-law’s mom, who just happens to be one of my best friends, my youngest daughter who is now 13, and me.

We usually load up in one of our cars, bring along our portable shopping carts for the day (which are fabulous because you don’t have to carry packages with handles that make your fingers go numb), and head for a wonderful mall or outlet stores.

Now we use our cellphones to talk to each other as we pair off and find special treasures for those we love.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a perfect day without some time for enjoying lunch together. And because we usually stay gone for an entire day, there’s also time for dinner together, too.

Now, I must tell you that this year was different from all the rest. I’ll spare you all the details of how we decided to do what we did, but this year was unique. Instead of going out to the shopping malls, we  girls decided to bring our computers over to the big house (that’s what the family calls our log home), shop on the Internet while we watched Christmas movies. Special treats were purchased the night before at the grocery store so we would have everything we would need.

So, from early in the morning until dinner time, we sat in the family room, situated in a semi circle as we watched White Christmas, Christmas Child, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus, and Santa Clause 3: The Escape Claus. I would have liked to have seen It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street, but they are packed away in storage (a story for another post).

In some ways it was great. While it lacked the craziness of getting out in the crowds, it did have its perks. If I needed to know what my son desired for Christmas, all I had to do was ask his wife who was sitting on the couch next to me. If I needed to know someone’s size, I just asked the girl who knew. If I wanted to know about any online shopping coupons, the shopping gurus of my family were there to assist me.

There are times when shopping online can be a challenge, but all-in-all, it was a very productive day for me. I finished most of my shopping, I got to watch some fun movies in the comfort of my own home, the food was great, and the fellowshipping with the girls was the best. Plus, I didn’t experience any holiday stress either!

I don’t know what we will choose to do next year, but I’m pretty open to whatever works, because over the years, I’ve certainly learned how to be flexible.

Don’t forget the added benefits of staying in your pajamas all day, taking a break for a nap if you so choose, and no sore feet at the end of the day!

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What did you think of when you read “Adult Swim?” Well, unlike the term meaning time alone for adults in the swimming pool, it’s a term meant to be associated with time alone for a husband and wife at home.

This idea is not original to me, but one that was shared with me by a dear friend. She and her husband use this term in their home when they want to be alone. They’ve taught all four of their homeschooled children that when they hear, “adult swim,” that means they need to go and find something else to do while mom and dad have time alone to talk, enjoy a cup of coffee, or whatever they can fit in while the children are busy in another part of the house.

In my own marriage of 34 years and 5 children, making time for my husband has always been my top priority. While there will always be distractions in our daily lives, finding time to be with your mate–even in small ways–is so necessary.

If you are a homeschooling mom, as I have been for 20 years, or our life is busy with small children, you and I need to be creative in how we find time to be with our man. Here are just a few ideas that  have helped me in my marriage and may enable you to brainstorm ideas of your own:

• Jim and I really enjoy a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. I make sure the water and coffee grounds are prepared in the pot the night before, plugged into a timer that allows it to perk or drip just before we have to wake up the next morning, and then get back under the covers of our bed or the throw blankets of our recliners and sip our coffee in the dark. This provides us with the opportunity to discuss what is on our hearts, the events of the day, or just sit in the quietness of the morning.

If you both enjoy a warm beverage to start off the day, get up together an extra half an hour or 45 minutes before you have to start getting ready for the day and give yourselves an opportunity to connect before you both go your separate ways.

• Feed the children separately on occasion, and then the two of you enjoy dinner in your bedroom–alone!

• Have a set time each night for your children to be in bed. Not only is this healthy for your children, but it helps you and your husband know when you’ll have some quiet time alone.

• When your husband comes home each evening, and after the children have hugged and kissed him, make these next few minutes your time to be alone with him. This could be a great time for a cup of coffee or tea, iced tea, or whatever you both enjoy. Even if you have small children in bouncy seats or climbing the furniture, you can let them play in a controlled situation while the two of you reconnect.

These are just a few, very basic ideas on how to find time to communicate with each other while children are still living in your home. Although simple, they are incredibly valuable for enabling the two of you to stay connected throughout the child-rearing years. As someone once said, “Your children can wait while you work on your marriage, but your marriage can’t wait until your children are grown.”

Take some time to develop your own moments of “adult swim.” It’s not being selfish, and it will definitely bless your children as you both give them the gift of a loving marriage. Plus, how are they going to know how to treat their future mate unless you give them a good example to follow?

As you may have figured out, you can’t do any of these things very well if you haven’t trained your children to respect your time together, but that’s another topic for discussion in another post somewhere!

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I once listened to a sermon series by Andy Stanley entitled, “Take It to the Limits.”

While he had many good things to say, the sentence that really struck me was when he said, “Relationships happen in the margin.” That one almost seemed to come through the speakers and grab me. I certainly could relate to what he was saying at that point in my life.

Now, if you don’t understand the concept of margin, let’s equate it to the white space you have, or don’t have on your calendar. If you find every day in your day-timer is full of entries from morning until night, day after day, there isn’t much white space left that doesn’t have something written on it. So, what do you do when the unexpected happens?

Margin allows you time to breathe and deal with events and issues that happen unexpectedly. It allows you time to act spontaneously without your life causing you a lot of stress or having it fall apart.

When I heard him say that, I remember feeling as though my life had become too busy to spend time with close friends. After dealing with my own personal thoughts concerning this, I decided to do something about it. Within a short period of time, I contacted a couple of my closest friends and told them it was time to reconnect and rekindle our times together. They agreed.

Since we’ve reconnected, we enjoy a special time together two to three times a month for three to four hours at a time. We share with each other in the privacy of my friend’s back deck where it’s quiet and restful.

We bring our lunches, sip coffee, enjoy dessert and share intimate thoughts and situations with each other that are occurring in our lives. And before we leave each other, our next rendezvous is scheduled. This is the way we’ve each decided to show the other they are important in our life.

While I’ve always known friends are vital and have had many, I had allowed “good” things and routine occurrences to keep me from “priceless” moments. Thankfully, I discovered this and have been able to change my life for the better.

Friends…Who or what comes to your mind when you hear the phrase, “Relationships happen in the margin?”

If you feel or sense you need to change some things in your life in order to spend time with friends, then do it! Make it happen!

Friends are priceless relationships, and time shared venting frustrations, expressing joys and ministering to each other’s needs is time never wasted.

And by the way, it’s certainly cheaper than therapy!

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Anybody have sidetracked Kids? My oldest son is definitely one of these. But I suppose he gets it honest considering I’m an admitted sidetracked Mom. Poor kid just didn’t stand a chance. I’ve been on him all afternoon to finish one math lesson and it is seriously like pulling teeth.

Kids are pretty smart though. If a bathroom break, requests for food, offers to help with the baby, or other interruptions are successful in sidetracking both of us, they will continue to do what works.

Better get back to work…he’s escaped yet again.

Well, what can I say? What goes around, comes around! Now you know how I felt when you had trouble staying on task.

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