Have you ever had days when you forgot you were married? In other words, you got so busy doing “mommy stuff” that you forgot your husband would be coming in? Do you forgot that you’re a wife, too?

Sometimes we can get so involved with the children that we forget that our husband is supposed to be our top priority. Certainly our children require our attention and need to be nurtured, but it’s vital to remember that our husband does, too. Don’t fall into thinking things like, “He is a big boy. He can take care of himself.” Don’t underestimate how much he needs you, too.

As a sidetracked mom, our most important “job” is being a wife to our husband. We need to make him feel special. We need to be thankful for the things he does for us. If you’re like Faith and me, you have much to be thankful for because your husband works so that you can not only stay home, but he also supports you in homeschooling your children.

As many authors will tell you, “A great marriage is the best gift you can give to our children.”

So, let’s talk about a few ways to make your husband feel special. Consider these and focus on the things that strike a special chord with you:

• Complement your husband, especially in front of your children so your children know how to do this. One day they will grow up to be adults, too.
• Develop a genuine interest in his work and hobbies.
• Make your bedroom a peaceful and uncluttered place to be. This speaks volumes to him on how you value your marriage and your time spent together here.
• When your husband comes home from work, stop what you are doing and greet him with a hug and a kiss. Get your children to do this, too.
• Go to bed at the same time with him, even if you aren’t really sleepy. You can always read or work on paperwork in bed.
• Get up with him in the morning. This allows both of you to talk and connect with each other before he goes off to work and before you start your day.
• Teach your children to respect times when the two of you just want to talk. Call it “Adult Swim” or times to be left alone with Daddy. At our house, we’ve taught our children that, unless you’re bleeding, it can wait.
• Finally, and definitely not the least, teach your children to respect their dad. Teach them good manners and how to obey their father. If you don’t teach them, who will?

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What did you think of when you read “Adult Swim?” Well, unlike the term meaning time alone for adults in the swimming pool, it’s a term meant to be associated with time alone for a husband and wife at home.

This idea is not original to me, but one that was shared with me by a dear friend. She and her husband use this term in their home when they want to be alone. They’ve taught all four of their homeschooled children that when they hear, “adult swim,” that means they need to go and find something else to do while mom and dad have time alone to talk, enjoy a cup of coffee, or whatever they can fit in while the children are busy in another part of the house.

In my own marriage of 34 years and 5 children, making time for my husband has always been my top priority. While there will always be distractions in our daily lives, finding time to be with your mate–even in small ways–is so necessary.

If you are a homeschooling mom, as I have been for 20 years, or our life is busy with small children, you and I need to be creative in how we find time to be with our man. Here are just a few ideas that  have helped me in my marriage and may enable you to brainstorm ideas of your own:

• Jim and I really enjoy a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. I make sure the water and coffee grounds are prepared in the pot the night before, plugged into a timer that allows it to perk or drip just before we have to wake up the next morning, and then get back under the covers of our bed or the throw blankets of our recliners and sip our coffee in the dark. This provides us with the opportunity to discuss what is on our hearts, the events of the day, or just sit in the quietness of the morning.

If you both enjoy a warm beverage to start off the day, get up together an extra half an hour or 45 minutes before you have to start getting ready for the day and give yourselves an opportunity to connect before you both go your separate ways.

• Feed the children separately on occasion, and then the two of you enjoy dinner in your bedroom–alone!

• Have a set time each night for your children to be in bed. Not only is this healthy for your children, but it helps you and your husband know when you’ll have some quiet time alone.

• When your husband comes home each evening, and after the children have hugged and kissed him, make these next few minutes your time to be alone with him. This could be a great time for a cup of coffee or tea, iced tea, or whatever you both enjoy. Even if you have small children in bouncy seats or climbing the furniture, you can let them play in a controlled situation while the two of you reconnect.

These are just a few, very basic ideas on how to find time to communicate with each other while children are still living in your home. Although simple, they are incredibly valuable for enabling the two of you to stay connected throughout the child-rearing years. As someone once said, “Your children can wait while you work on your marriage, but your marriage can’t wait until your children are grown.”

Take some time to develop your own moments of “adult swim.” It’s not being selfish, and it will definitely bless your children as you both give them the gift of a loving marriage. Plus, how are they going to know how to treat their future mate unless you give them a good example to follow?

As you may have figured out, you can’t do any of these things very well if you haven’t trained your children to respect your time together, but that’s another topic for discussion in another post somewhere!

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Right now, I feel as though my brain is on overload. I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to learn a zillion new things at once.

It’s like this: I’m an author (by God’s design, not mine). Back in the fall of 2002 during my quiet time, God asked me to teach a class on sex and intimacy in marriage. I’ll spare you the details of my argument with Him, but just know–He won!

Since then I’ve written five different books on sex and intimacy in marriage—three for wives and two for married couples.

While this was a whole new ballgame for me, God helped me every step of the way. Then somewhere in this process I realized, “I have to start my own business”…something I’ve always told myself I would never want to do! Well, we all know what they say about “never say ‘never’…”

My books are excellent marital tools. They are proving themselves to be helpful and encouraging to couples that are struggling sexually, and offer encouragement to marriages that need a lift, but the world doesn’t know about them.

With the rise of pornography and marriages falling apart, the world needs to know about them.

Now I’m at the point where I feel I need to learn about advertising and marketing. This is a whole new world for me. Internet marketing isn’t exactly something I learned in Home Ec!

If it wasn’t enough that I homeschool, try to keep my home in order, write classes on marriage, teach them at church, try to find time to read—and do I dare mention being a wife and mother?—I now find myself needing to learn about terms like AdWords, AdSense, and target-marketing.

I feel I must learn about Internet terminology and how it works behind the scenes. Luckily, I have family to help me.

Yep! I do believe my brain is about to explode!

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