This week we’re on a combined family vacation in the Blue Ridge mountains of Georgia. Both Sidetracked Moms with husbands and kids in a log cabin surrounded by rolling hills and relaxing springtime breezes. It’s gorgeous here. Just what I needed for some time away to relax and to refocus.

The refocusing is my main priority right now. So much of our lives has been filled with busyness that it’s been hard to slow down and think about things. Are we headed where we should be heading? Are we working towards a common goal? Are the things we’ve been spending all our time on helping our family or hurting our family?

Recently, Shawn and I have been discussing our desire to make some major life changes in order to refocus our time and efforts to be all about family. We have given so much of our time to working that we feel our family has suffered because of it. Just the simple act of realizing a shift in focus is necessary has given us a renewed sense of togetherness and purpose. We’ve all heard the old adage, “No one gets to the end of their life and says, ‘I wish that I had worked more or spent less time with my family.’” Unfortunately, it’s so easy to convince ourselves that we’re working so much for our family when that may not necessarily be the case at all.

Some of my personal goals are listed below as well as things I’ve read that we’re considering doing to help us refocus. I imagine that none of them are new ideas to you but perhaps one will be useful to you and your family.

• Work less, play more.
• Turn off the TV and go outside.
• Break out the board games.
• Plan a family camping trip.
• Cut expenses and increase relationships.
• Move to a cheaper home in a cheaper area.
• Clear out the clutter.
• Make do on a smaller grocery budget.
• Give fewer material gifts as presents.
• Go down to one car.
• Turn off cable/satellite.
• Save the money you are no longer wasting in a special account.

Not everything comes down to spending less money. But what I’m learning in my refocusing on the family is that if we can figure out how to spend less money then we can work less at our jobs. In the end, working less will open up more family time which is our ultimate goal.

Faith, I am struck by a few of your choices in the list above.

First of all, when we cut off the cable in 1989, it did wonders for our family. It got you and the boys to interact with each other on a regular basis, as opposed to hibernating in separate rooms to watch individual t.v. shows.

Money is a tough one. When we’re young, we work hard to establish our careers which often requires long hours away from home. Ideally, I wish we could all work from home and be a family 24/7, but careers like medicine don’t work that way. I do agree, however, that trying to cut expenses so Dad doesn’t have to work as much is a worthy goal.

Finally, time is really what matters, as you and I are both well aware of. I know this is a huge reason why Dad and I decided to homeschool. Time with our children flies by, and homeschooling clearly gave us the most time with our children. I’m so glad for you and Shawn that you chose this schooling option from the beginning. While it has its challenges, it will give you both the most time to be a family. And as you well know, time with family, once you leave home, is never the same again.

Now, about this clutter thing………..

Recommended Reading

• motherhood, mom, mother
• More Time To Be A Family
• Holiday Hindsight

Now that the holiday season is over, Faith and I have been reflecting upon some things we enjoyed about this year and some things we would like to do better or differently next year.

I had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year and I’m not exactly sure why. As I’ve reflected upon this, I can think of a few things that may have contributed to this for me:

For the first time since I can remember, we went out of town for the Thanksgiving weekend to help care for Jim’s mom. While that was a situation that helped out my brother-in-law and his family, it really caused a disconnect for me with my own children and their families.

Because we were out of town for the few days following Thanksgiving, we didn’t enjoy Bake Day. This is a time when my two daughters, my daughter-in-law, and I get into the kitchen and make some family favorites. Then we sent a bunch of the treats to our husband’s work place for them to share with their coworkers. Because life got pretty busy for all of us after we returned from out of town, we were never able to find any other time to allow Bake Day to happen.

However, I have been thinking of what I believe will be a better way to do Bake Day next year–and we will do it next year. I would like to spend the day after Thanksgiving deciding what we want to bake, go out to lunch, then go to the grocery store to purchase what we need; then proceed with the baking beginning on Saturday instead of Friday.

We didn’t do any fun crafts this year. I don’t know if it’s because money was tighter this year or our schedules filled up with other activities or what, but I missed them this year. I guess I also felt like we “fell behind” in our studies–whatever that means. Next year we must do better. It’s one of my favorite memories to do with my children.

The other thing I know to be true is we’re still living in a house I was so hoping would have sold by now. I remember thinking last Christmas that I didn’t want to have Christmas again in this house, but that’s exactly what happened. I didn’t get past my sour attitude like I should have. Now, I’m still hoping we’re moved by this next Christmas, but if we’re not, I’ve got to rise above it and change my attitude. Faith, I might need some help with this one.

In my post on polling my family of what they felt they really needed this year for it to feel like Christmas, I did do everything they requested, so I was successful at this. However, I knew in my heart that I was only doing the basics so I could say I accomplished what everybody wanted. Next year, I truly want to do better and will work harder to allow the Christmas spirit to infect me.

So, I guess that just about does it for me. Now it’s your turn, Faith.

Next year I want to do less work and make more memories!

I want to cook fewer items for Thanksgiving. I cooked WAY too many side dishes and wore myself totally out. I also hosted two Thanksgiving dinners at my house and that was pretty tiring too. For Christmas I made a much more simple meal and it was just as tasty and suited for family time with a large group of people.

And EVERY year I tell myself that I’m going to start sooner with shopping so I’m not so crazed. I have moved to more and more online shopping for Christmas and that has helped a lot, so much so that my poor mail lady began to think I was some crazy woman that hated to leave my house. At least that’s the feeling I got when she tentatively asked me, “Umm, so I guess you don’t like to go out and shop.”

Next year I want to do more crafts and holiday activities with my kids. We do Advent as a family in the evenings but so much of the memories that I have from growing up center around the fun things we did during Christmas time.

The first few years that my parents started homeschooling us, we took the entire month of December off from traditional schooling and read books, did holiday baking, and lots of crafts together. It was great! There is always more math to get done and another paper to write. I don’t have any memories that begin with, “Oh, remember that time in Algebra when we learned that cool equation?” But I have plenty of memories to choose from during our “Christmas school” month. Some of those memories include:

• The Cinnamon-Applesauce ornaments that we made that I still have on my tree every year.
• The wooden clothespin nativity figures we put together and attempted to make clothes for out of fabric and felt scraps. I’ll never forget my little brother gluing a sheep to his shepherd’s shoulders that made it impossible for the shepherd to stand.
• The Christmas play we performed at my grandmother’s house that included my dad dressing up as Santa Claus. His “Ho, Ho, Ho” is pretty convincing!
• I loved painting the countless plaster ornaments that you can buy at the craft stores around Christmas. I would paint those things all day long. I can’t wait to paint them with my kids! We painted so many that everyone in the family has some on their tree.
• I loved watching cheesy Christmas movies. (I still do and I wrote about a few of my favorite Not So Classic Christmas movies here.) Some of my favorites times were sitting together watching movies and laughing at how silly they were with my brothers. It always amazed us how those cheesy movies still managed to make our mom cry. (And now that I’m a mom, I cry at even the cheesiest movies too.)

So I guess most of the things I want to do differently center around the idea that I don’t want to feel so busy. I don’t want to look back at the rush around Christmas and regret the time I didn’t spend with my family and wish for a chance to make more memories.

Faith, after reading what you had to say, I am struck by the fact that I only have a few more years with your brother and sister at home. You’ve made me realize as well that the holiday season needs to be more fun and less work. After all, I’ve always said since we’ve been homeschooling that it’s all about relationships, not about academics.

Thank you for your insights.

Recommended Reading

• motherhood, mom, mother
• Make This Advent Season Memorable
• Refocus on Family

The holiday season is here again. How did this year fly by so quickly? Personally, I’ve decided they go by faster every year.

At our house, we have a tradition we’ve enjoyed for many years. We call it Family Shopping Day. For as long as I can remember, we’ve taken our children out for a marathon day of shopping for each other and the sheer joy of just being together. We usually pair off with each of the children, helping and directing them as they spend their hard-earned money on those they love and appreciate.

Our shopping days of years gone by have consisted of the five of us getting up early, going to a favorite mall, breaking up into groups of two and three, and communicating on our whereabouts with our walkie talkies. Since we homeschool, we would always pick a day during the week before kids got out of the school system on Christmas break. I mean, I’m okay with crowds, but I’m not into mobs!

As our family has grown from three children to five, and the oldest three now being married with children, we’ve changed the way Family Shopping Day looks. It no longer involves all the family members going shopping at the same time. Instead, we now have what we fondly refer to as Girls’ Shopping Day. This consists of the girls taking off for the day, going somewhere we all agree upon, and shopping ’till we drop. Our family group now consists of my mom, my married daughter, my daughter-in-law, my daughter-in-law’s mom, who just happens to be one of my best friends, my youngest daughter who is now 13, and me.

We usually load up in one of our cars, bring along our portable shopping carts for the day (which are fabulous because you don’t have to carry packages with handles that make your fingers go numb), and head for a wonderful mall or outlet stores.

Now we use our cellphones to talk to each other as we pair off and find special treasures for those we love.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a perfect day without some time for enjoying lunch together. And because we usually stay gone for an entire day, there’s also time for dinner together, too.

Now, I must tell you that this year was different from all the rest. I’ll spare you all the details of how we decided to do what we did, but this year was unique. Instead of going out to the shopping malls, we  girls decided to bring our computers over to the big house (that’s what the family calls our log home), shop on the Internet while we watched Christmas movies. Special treats were purchased the night before at the grocery store so we would have everything we would need.

So, from early in the morning until dinner time, we sat in the family room, situated in a semi circle as we watched White Christmas, Christmas Child, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus, and Santa Clause 3: The Escape Claus. I would have liked to have seen It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street, but they are packed away in storage (a story for another post).

In some ways it was great. While it lacked the craziness of getting out in the crowds, it did have its perks. If I needed to know what my son desired for Christmas, all I had to do was ask his wife who was sitting on the couch next to me. If I needed to know someone’s size, I just asked the girl who knew. If I wanted to know about any online shopping coupons, the shopping gurus of my family were there to assist me.

There are times when shopping online can be a challenge, but all-in-all, it was a very productive day for me. I finished most of my shopping, I got to watch some fun movies in the comfort of my own home, the food was great, and the fellowshipping with the girls was the best. Plus, I didn’t experience any holiday stress either!

I don’t know what we will choose to do next year, but I’m pretty open to whatever works, because over the years, I’ve certainly learned how to be flexible.

Don’t forget the added benefits of staying in your pajamas all day, taking a break for a nap if you so choose, and no sore feet at the end of the day!

Recommended Reading

• motherhood, mom, mother
• Refocus on Family
• Holiday Hindsight