If you homeschool your children, you’ve probably heard comments from others like, “I  really admire you,” or “I could never do that!” For those of you who don’t homeschool, I believe I speak for many homeschoolers when I say we’re not looking to be admired.

As homeschoolers, we often feel insignificant and overwhelmed in this task, yet here we are, finding ourselves “doing it.”

Back in February, 1989, I was a mom, waiting for my third child to start 1st grade so I could have my days to myself. What was I planning to do with all this free time? I don’t remember, but I was positive it was something to get excited about.

When my husband and I decided to homeschool, it was never with the intent of making our children the smartest kids around. Rather, it was to allow our family to remain in close relationship with each other.  We were discovering that having them in school was bringing division and fracturing us as a family. This goal began to come to fruition quite quickly, and certainly beyond my expectations. Simply by having my children spend their days together, going on fieldtrips with my husband, and giving them back some time to work together and simply be children was priceless. We found ourselves having time to play games together, read books together, develop character and life skills, and find opportunities to serve others.

Along the way, two more children were born. Now, most twenty years later, the first three are well educated, productive adults who love the Lord. With the two youngest children in 8th and 9th grade, my job as a homeschooling mom is almost over, but it remains a journey that has truly enriched my life.

Would I have done some things differently? Certainly. I wished I had had more time to teach them about poetry, classical music, and how to run their own business.

Do I have regrets for choosing this path? Absolutely not! While our goal for homeschooling was never about academics, our children learned them because we cared about them and wanted them to succeed.

Could they have learned more? Yes, I’m sure they could have, but we taught them “how to learn” so they could continue to teach themselves what they need to know, and that’s a lifelong skill.

Has it been a sacrifice? I suppose so, depending on what you mean by “sacrifice.” Most would agree that anything worthwhile requires sacrifice. I’ve certainly given up time I could have spent by myself while the children would have been in school. I’m sure there were times I could have gone out to lunch with the girls, or taken bible study classes. However, I’ve gained so much because I did sacrifice my own time.

As I reflect some 20 years later, I feel incredibly blessed that God gave me extra time with my children while they were growing up so we could all make memories we would have missed otherwise. It’s fun to get together today as adults and reflect upon events that happened–good and bad. It’s made me a better person because it has shown me that I could accomplish things I didn’t believe I could. And I don’t even have time to share with you how much I’ve grown and learned about who God made each of my children to be and how much they have impacted my world and those around them.

I certainly don’t want to be admired. All I ask is for people to take the time to see what can be accomplished when families work together. We’ve been able to accomplish so much together, and I simply don’t want to go back to how we did life before 1989. I am humbled by what I believe we would have missed out on had we not taken a step of faith and started this journey.

So, the next time you encounter a homeschooling mom, don’t assume she wants you to admire her or believe you could never do what she does. Instead, listen to her heart and in doing so, you may hear something you desire for your family–even if you believe right now that you could never “do that.”

Take it from a veteran–homeschoolers don’t choose this way of life to be admired. Instead, we pray that others will desire the family life they see displayed in the lives of a homeschooling family.

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Have you ever wanted to write your husband a little love note on the bathroom mirror, but knew you would have to spend a lot of time getting the lipstick to come off? Or maybe you’ve wanted to scribble something funny and cute on your children’s bedroom mirrors, but knew the cleanup wasn’t worth the trouble?

Well, here’s a helpful tip to bring back some fun into your life.

The next time you want to leave behind a special love note and words of encouragement for your family, use dry erase markers! Although they may not be as dark as lipstick, they are so much easier to wipe off. All you will need is a tissue or paper towel and you’re done.

And just in case you were wondering…dry erase marker does NOT come off easily from the underside of a white toilet lid…even though it’s white and shiny. Not that I would know of course.

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From the time I first started dating my husband in 1969, I knew he wanted to be a physician. At the end of all the years of medical, residency, and time in the Navy, Jim ultimately became an emergency room physician.

From 1977 to 1989, God blessed us with three children—a girl and two boys. As each of them began to enter school, I noticed there were many weeks when Jim would be home during the school day while the children were away at school. Then when the weekends arrived and the children were home, he would often have to be at work for 12 or more hours. It started to become a strain as we tried to find blocks of time to spend as a family.

Add to this the issue of homework, activities, church, and other occurrences and we were becoming a family that seldom seemed to be able to find time to be together.

How We Decided to Homeschool

One morning during the craziness of getting the children out the door for their ride to school, I found myself feeling rather unsettled. Mornings during the week were so rushed. Since the time Faith had been four years old, I’d been getting up early, pushing her through the mornings, and trying to get her to eat breakfast so she could make it through her day. She never did mornings very well (and it’s still not her favorite time of day). Then once our boys were added into this craziness, I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and lacking connection with my family.

Through the course of several “God-incidences” of 1989, our family began the journey of homeschooling in the fall. At the time they were in 1st, 3rd, and 7th grades. It’s a decision we made together and we’ve never looked back.

Has it been easy? No. It has been a lot of work for me, especially in learning what was available for teaching my children. Remember, we started 20 years ago when homeschooling was in the “pioneer stage.” It took a lot to figure out how and what to teach them, along with how to organize my time.

Even though there are now a ton of choices for homeschooling families to choose from, it can still be overwhelming.

Has it been worth it? Absolutely! Though there have been tough, tiring, and trying moments, the results have proven to far exceed anything I could have imagined.

Benefits

While every homeschool mom has struggles and days when she’d like to sell her kids, I wanted to mention just a few positive things that come to mind when I think about our years of homeschooling:

1. We’ve enjoyed times like being able to stay up late at night to watch the Olympics together, then sleeping in the next morning.
2. We’ve been able to take a lot of fieldtrips and go places to experience “real” places from history while most of my children’s peers have only read about such places and events in textbooks.
3. We’ve had the time to minister to other families who were facing a crisis.
4. We’ve been there to help paint walls and arrange rooms for functions at church while others were too busy.
5. When the beautiful weather arrives each year, it’s so enjoyable to sit outside and read aloud or study.
6. There are many hands around the house to help make chores easier and go faster. More just gets done when you all work together.

During the course of our homeschooling journey, we’ve added two more children to our family. Homeschooling is all they have ever known, and if things go according to my plans, this is the only “formal” schooling through high school they will ever know. Now with both of them in 10th and 11th grades, we’re almost there.

Making a Choice

I share my story with you simply to say, “you always have options.” (We have the privilege to homeschool here in America; however, in some countries it is illegal.) If you feel as though life is out-of-control and stress is consuming you and your family:

• Pray and look for change. Homeschooling offers a big one!
• Seek wise counsel. Talk to people you trust and know your circumstances
• Talk to others who have been through what you are experiencing. Many homeschoolers are passionate about the subject and are happy to answer your questions

What Can It Cost You?

1. It may involve making sacrifices like lunch out with your girlfriends and having hunks of time alone.

2. If you stay at home, it may affect you financially, especially if you had a good paying job. Many find they actually save money by staying home to school their children because clothing, fuel, and eating out change drastically.

3. Taking control and doing things differently from what others you know are doing can seem risky and scary. Many of us that homeschool were not trained as teachers so it can feel this way, especially in the beginning.

4. You may receive negative comments from friends and even family members. I have even lost friends I was close to once I started homeschooling.

Next Steps

1. If after reading this you feel led to pursue this option for your family, I encourage you to talk and pray with your husband about it. Make sure the two of you are on the same page.

2. Seek wise counsel and talk to others who are homeschooling, all the time remembering that your homeschool will look different from theirs. Don’t try to replicate their homeschool. Your friend’s children aren’t yours!

3. Consult your local authorities concerning the laws for your county and state. These are easily found on the Internet and local homeschooling support groups.

4. Step out on faith and go for it! You’ll never be completely ready, so start somewhere and sometime.

Homeschooling gave us the option to spend more time as a family together and that has brought blessings to all of us in ways we never could have anticipated.

While challenges await you and there will be bumps in your journey, the rewards of persevering and meeting those challenges could ultimately bless you and your family like it has ours.

Note: And one more benefit. Now that Faith’s family has moved in with us and her two youngest siblings are here, too, we make our own homeschooling group! There is always somebody to play with and to share with in conversation. It’s even more fun at the park or in the backyard, enjoying the beauty of creation and the fellowship that comes with being and growing up together.

Well, I still don’t like mornings.   However, since I decided to homeschool my own kids, I do get the luxury of deciding what our mornings look like around here. It’s definitely not always easy but I do try to remember that “The joy is in the journey.”

I’m not in a hurry for my kids to grow up or for summer to be over so I can send my kids back to school like some of my friends. I don’t always feel like I’m doing many things well. But I do feel without a shadow of a doubt, that I know my kids the best and I have their best interests at heart so I AM the most qualified teacher for them.

So, thank you, Mom for stepping into the unknown world of homeschooling. The fieldtrips and the reading aloud as a family are still some of my favorite childhood memories. Because of you I made the decision to homeschool my own kids because you showed me how great it can be for the entire family.

Faith, I’m convinced that homeschooling you through junior and senior high school is one of the biggest reasons why you and I are so close. We had time together to talk and work on our relationship in spite of the busyness that comes with growing up.

Now it’s fun to reflect back on the things we did together and share them with your children and the two youngest Sloderbecks!

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It has probably been 15 years ago now, but I remember reading a book by Mary Hood called, The Relaxed Homeschool. Mary Hood is a leader in the homeschooling movement who had her doctorate in education and decided to come home to school her children.

I was reading her book one day and came across this thought: As a homeschooling mom, do your children really know who you are?

That statement really jumped off the page at me that day. You see, I had been so busy giving my life to my children and trying to learn everything I could about schooling them, that I forgot to let them see who I was.

The first thought I remember thinking was, “I say I’m a quilter, but my children haven’t seen me quilt anything in several years.” Guess what I started doing again?

Yep. I started quilting again. I took a class on machine quilting and made some beautiful quilts, too. I even surprised my husband with a king-sized log cabin quilt the first Christmas we were in our new home–a log house!

Now I’m in a different season of my life and my two youngest children don’t remember much about my quilting. Instead, they classify me as an author and teacher. That’s pretty good, considering that’s what I do a lot of the time now.

• So, who are you, really?
• What talents and gifts did God give you that have been on the back burner for awhile?
• If you asked your children what Mommy likes to do, could they tell you?
• If they don’t know, what do you want them to know about you at this stage of your life?

I think like so many other things in life, we can get so busy that we forget to gift our children with the knowledge of who we are. We need to let them know how God created us and what we believe He wants us to do with our lives.

Aside from loving our husband and our children, what do you love to do?

And once you’ve figured out what it is, be sure the rest of your family discovers it, too.

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Hi Ladies:

I found this fun quiz about husbands on Facebook today and thought it would be fun to share with you.

Tell you what: I’ll list the questions, then I’ll have Faith and I answer after each one.

It would be fun for those of you who enjoy reading our blog to chime in with your answers as well. Plus, you could use these questions as a great way to start a conversation with your man. If nothing else, you can share your answers with him and see if he agrees with you.

Okay….here goes!

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?

This Old House or a sporting event

- CSI

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

He always gets ranch with no cheese sprinkles

- Ranch, no croutons

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?

He can’t stand Parmesan cheese. He says it smells worse than vomit

- BBQ Chips. I just learned that about him this week.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?

Sweet tea

- Water mostly. Sometimes sweet tea.

5. Where did he go to high school?

Englewood High School in Jacksonville, Florida

- Oviedo High School in Oviedo, Florida

6. What size shoe does he wear?

8.5 D

- 12 Wide

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

Books (no surprise on this one)

- Computer parts (Do you need any? Please come take some.)

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?

Philly Cheese steak

- Boar’s Head Ultimate Sub from Publix

9. What would he eat every day if he could?

Fig Newtons with a glass of milk

- Steak

10. What is his favorite cereal?

Great Grains with raisins, dates, and pecans

- Same favorite cereal

11. What would he never wear?

Speedo swim trunks

- White jeans

12. What is his favorite sports team?

Florida State

- Atlanta Braves I guess. It used to be Orlando Magic when he lived in Florida.

13. Who did he vote for?

He’s a republican

- Republicans

14. Who is his best friend?

That’s easy—me

- Me, of course

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?

Not make a decision when he wants me to

- Leave cabinet doors open or leave the toilet lid open. (The LID, not the seat. Why this bothers him I’m not sure.)

16. What is his heritage?

German descent

- He’s half Puerto Rican

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?

Poppy seed with no icing

- German Chocolate

18. Did he play sports in high school?

Nope. But he watched me play a bunch of them

- He played soccer but that was before high school.

19. What could he spend hours doing?

Reading–and he does!

- Working on computers

20. What is one unique talent he has?

He can fix just about anything. And if he doesn’t know how, he’ll read about how to do it.

- He can fix any piece of technology.

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Have you ever had days when you forgot you were married? In other words, you got so busy doing “mommy stuff” that you forgot your husband would be coming in? Do you forgot that you’re a wife, too?

Sometimes we can get so involved with the children that we forget that our husband is supposed to be our top priority. Certainly our children require our attention and need to be nurtured, but it’s vital to remember that our husband does, too. Don’t fall into thinking things like, “He is a big boy. He can take care of himself.” Don’t underestimate how much he needs you, too.

As a sidetracked mom, our most important “job” is being a wife to our husband. We need to make him feel special. We need to be thankful for the things he does for us. If you’re like Faith and me, you have much to be thankful for because your husband works so that you can not only stay home, but he also supports you in homeschooling your children.

As many authors will tell you, “A great marriage is the best gift you can give to our children.”

So, let’s talk about a few ways to make your husband feel special. Consider these and focus on the things that strike a special chord with you:

• Complement your husband, especially in front of your children so your children know how to do this. One day they will grow up to be adults, too.
• Develop a genuine interest in his work and hobbies.
• Make your bedroom a peaceful and uncluttered place to be. This speaks volumes to him on how you value your marriage and your time spent together here.
• When your husband comes home from work, stop what you are doing and greet him with a hug and a kiss. Get your children to do this, too.
• Go to bed at the same time with him, even if you aren’t really sleepy. You can always read or work on paperwork in bed.
• Get up with him in the morning. This allows both of you to talk and connect with each other before he goes off to work and before you start your day.
• Teach your children to respect times when the two of you just want to talk. Call it “Adult Swim” or times to be left alone with Daddy. At our house, we’ve taught our children that, unless you’re bleeding, it can wait.
• Finally, and definitely not the least, teach your children to respect their dad. Teach them good manners and how to obey their father. If you don’t teach them, who will?

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A couple’s marriage and their sexual relationship are intricately connected. It has been shown that when a couple’s sex life is ignored or suffering, it directly affects the health of their marriage. As Frank Sinatra used to sing, “You can’t have one without the other.”

In order for our marriage to grow, it must be nurtured. This demands time for talking together, dating each other, and making occasions for intimate encounters to occur. But what happens when children are added to your family? Those of us who have children know how difficult it can be to find moments to be alone.

Someone once said that “sex causes little children, and children cause little sex.” See if you can identify with the following video clip from a FamilyLife seminar.

After watching this clip, I personally would have suggested to the Raineys that they should have installed a lock on their bedroom door. I highly recommend this to the students in my classes. I can’t imagine a woman being able to relax without one.

There’s a great book I read called, No Time for Sex by David and Claudia Arp. It is filled with helpful ideas on how a married couples can find ways to spend time together, even in the midst of raising children.

Do your marriage a favor and get yourselves a copy of this book.

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The holiday season is here again. How did this year fly by so quickly? Personally, I’ve decided they go by faster every year.

At our house, we have a tradition we’ve enjoyed for many years. We call it Family Shopping Day. For as long as I can remember, we’ve taken our children out for a marathon day of shopping for each other and the sheer joy of just being together. We usually pair off with each of the children, helping and directing them as they spend their hard-earned money on those they love and appreciate.

Our shopping days of years gone by have consisted of the five of us getting up early, going to a favorite mall, breaking up into groups of two and three, and communicating on our whereabouts with our walkie talkies. Since we homeschool, we would always pick a day during the week before kids got out of the school system on Christmas break. I mean, I’m okay with crowds, but I’m not into mobs!

As our family has grown from three children to five, and the oldest three now being married with children, we’ve changed the way Family Shopping Day looks. It no longer involves all the family members going shopping at the same time. Instead, we now have what we fondly refer to as Girls’ Shopping Day. This consists of the girls taking off for the day, going somewhere we all agree upon, and shopping ’till we drop. Our family group now consists of my mom, my married daughter, my daughter-in-law, my daughter-in-law’s mom, who just happens to be one of my best friends, my youngest daughter who is now 13, and me.

We usually load up in one of our cars, bring along our portable shopping carts for the day (which are fabulous because you don’t have to carry packages with handles that make your fingers go numb), and head for a wonderful mall or outlet stores.

Now we use our cellphones to talk to each other as we pair off and find special treasures for those we love.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a perfect day without some time for enjoying lunch together. And because we usually stay gone for an entire day, there’s also time for dinner together, too.

Now, I must tell you that this year was different from all the rest. I’ll spare you all the details of how we decided to do what we did, but this year was unique. Instead of going out to the shopping malls, we  girls decided to bring our computers over to the big house (that’s what the family calls our log home), shop on the Internet while we watched Christmas movies. Special treats were purchased the night before at the grocery store so we would have everything we would need.

So, from early in the morning until dinner time, we sat in the family room, situated in a semi circle as we watched White Christmas, Christmas Child, Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus, and Santa Clause 3: The Escape Claus. I would have liked to have seen It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street, but they are packed away in storage (a story for another post).

In some ways it was great. While it lacked the craziness of getting out in the crowds, it did have its perks. If I needed to know what my son desired for Christmas, all I had to do was ask his wife who was sitting on the couch next to me. If I needed to know someone’s size, I just asked the girl who knew. If I wanted to know about any online shopping coupons, the shopping gurus of my family were there to assist me.

There are times when shopping online can be a challenge, but all-in-all, it was a very productive day for me. I finished most of my shopping, I got to watch some fun movies in the comfort of my own home, the food was great, and the fellowshipping with the girls was the best. Plus, I didn’t experience any holiday stress either!

I don’t know what we will choose to do next year, but I’m pretty open to whatever works, because over the years, I’ve certainly learned how to be flexible.

Don’t forget the added benefits of staying in your pajamas all day, taking a break for a nap if you so choose, and no sore feet at the end of the day!

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A few days ago, I wrote a post called “Holiday Stress” which talked about how I wanted to make sure I did the things this year that are most important to them, so I decided to poll the troop. Well, the results from my family poll are in.

Here is how the five of us voted on the question, “What three things are the most important aspects of Thanksgiving and Christmas that have to be there for you in order for it to feel special?”

1. A Christmas tree–5 votes
2. Observance of Advent–3 votes (We love the Jotham’s Journey trilogy. Check it out for yours!)
3. Spending the day with extended family–2 votes
4. Stockings–2 votes
5. Opening one gift on Christmas Eve–2 votes
6. Quiet afternoon on Christmas for reading–1 vote

Not surprising to me, none of my family mentioned anything about Thanksgiving. That’s most likely because my husband did full time emergency medicine for 30 years, working 12 hour shifts, and many of them occurred on Thanksgiving Day. He often worked Thanksgiving in order to have Christmas Eve or Day off so we don’t have many special things to draw from.

So, now I have a framework for the holidays. None of what they said is hard to do and I’ll make sure we do them. Baking, candlelight services, and whatever else comes up will simply be “icing on the Christmas cake!”

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What did you think of when you read “Adult Swim?” Well, unlike the term meaning time alone for adults in the swimming pool, it’s a term meant to be associated with time alone for a husband and wife at home.

This idea is not original to me, but one that was shared with me by a dear friend. She and her husband use this term in their home when they want to be alone. They’ve taught all four of their homeschooled children that when they hear, “adult swim,” that means they need to go and find something else to do while mom and dad have time alone to talk, enjoy a cup of coffee, or whatever they can fit in while the children are busy in another part of the house.

In my own marriage of 34 years and 5 children, making time for my husband has always been my top priority. While there will always be distractions in our daily lives, finding time to be with your mate–even in small ways–is so necessary.

If you are a homeschooling mom, as I have been for 20 years, or our life is busy with small children, you and I need to be creative in how we find time to be with our man. Here are just a few ideas that  have helped me in my marriage and may enable you to brainstorm ideas of your own:

• Jim and I really enjoy a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. I make sure the water and coffee grounds are prepared in the pot the night before, plugged into a timer that allows it to perk or drip just before we have to wake up the next morning, and then get back under the covers of our bed or the throw blankets of our recliners and sip our coffee in the dark. This provides us with the opportunity to discuss what is on our hearts, the events of the day, or just sit in the quietness of the morning.

If you both enjoy a warm beverage to start off the day, get up together an extra half an hour or 45 minutes before you have to start getting ready for the day and give yourselves an opportunity to connect before you both go your separate ways.

• Feed the children separately on occasion, and then the two of you enjoy dinner in your bedroom–alone!

• Have a set time each night for your children to be in bed. Not only is this healthy for your children, but it helps you and your husband know when you’ll have some quiet time alone.

• When your husband comes home each evening, and after the children have hugged and kissed him, make these next few minutes your time to be alone with him. This could be a great time for a cup of coffee or tea, iced tea, or whatever you both enjoy. Even if you have small children in bouncy seats or climbing the furniture, you can let them play in a controlled situation while the two of you reconnect.

These are just a few, very basic ideas on how to find time to communicate with each other while children are still living in your home. Although simple, they are incredibly valuable for enabling the two of you to stay connected throughout the child-rearing years. As someone once said, “Your children can wait while you work on your marriage, but your marriage can’t wait until your children are grown.”

Take some time to develop your own moments of “adult swim.” It’s not being selfish, and it will definitely bless your children as you both give them the gift of a loving marriage. Plus, how are they going to know how to treat their future mate unless you give them a good example to follow?

As you may have figured out, you can’t do any of these things very well if you haven’t trained your children to respect your time together, but that’s another topic for discussion in another post somewhere!

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